Everything I Know...

FINALLY he's moving out. He being my housemate's boyfriend who moved in for the summer and has now found another place to live. I'm incredibly happy about the fact that I'll be able to walk around the apartment in my underwear again and it will be nice to be able to watch TV/cook dinner/read a book without having to witness them sucking each other's face off. My boyfriend and I will once again be King and Queen of our castle.

In honour of this momentous occasion, which I will from now on call "The day I got my apartment back" I have written a list of rules for couples who co-inhabit a 2-bedroom apartment.

• If you are cooking pasta, only one of you needs to be in the kitchen. Seriously, boil water, put pasta in boiling water, heat sauce, serve. This is a one person job people. Sure, it's cute to cook as a couple, but when someone else (me) is trying to prepare another meal and there is little bench space it can get a wee bit annoying having to dodge the half-naked people who are pawing and stroking all over each other.
• Anything from the belly button down is considered pubic hair so stroking this area for him while watching Futurama is definitely a no-go. On that note, stroking his chest hair in front of me is pretty fucking disgusting too.
• Yeah, we have a ghetto download limit on our internet, so don't be downloading every episode of the Simpsons, especially when you're not paying for it.
• Eat with your mouth CLOSED. Both of you.
• When we offer your friends a beer and they drink the lot, you should probably be the one to replace the case. And when, on the rare occasion we drink some of your beers don't even dare whinge about it.
• When you invite your friends over, don't just leave them in the living room trying to make awkward conversation with me so you can both go into the bedroom to fuck.
• You're not as funny as your friends so stop trying.
• I hate your music so don't play it so loud that I can hear it in my room with the door shut with my music on.
• Wear deodorant.

Oooooh, zing! I could go on and on. I'm a bitter, bitter woman.